Indoor Plants for Plant Killers

I hear it a lot, “I don’t have a green thumb – I kill everything I touch!” Let me give you a bit of plant advice – you probably haven’t bought the right plant for you and your lifestyle. Not all plants are for all people but sometimes you can find your perfect match. I have found 3 big issues when talking to people about their planticide and possible matches for you to try to curb your murderous ways. You probably fall into one of the following categories: The Forgetful Waterer, The Over Waterer, and Ain’t No Sunshine. 



The Forgetful Waterer

You are the most common perpetrator of plant murder. You go into it with great intentions, a venus flytrap, and a cute little planter but then 3 weeks later you realize you haven’t water. You panic and water the crap out of it. It’s too late.

Cast Iron House Plant – this plant hates being fussed on. It does well with forgetful waterers, just so-so light, and leaving it in the same pot. Actually, if you over water it or repot it too often you’ll actually just aggravate it. 

Succulents – pretty much any type of succulent plant. Their thick (succulent) leaves help store moisture to protect themselves from you. If you want to try a useful and easy plant – try Aloe! If you’re just going for easy and pretty, try Jade Plants, Hens and Chicks, and Strings of Pearls. Best part – if you can grow one, they’ll reward you by being fast growing and creating more plants (to keep or share). 



The Over Waterer

You smother your plant with love and copious amounts of tap water. Every day even. You want your little pookums to be happy and water makes plants happy. It doesn’t matter how many times people tell you that cacti don’t like having wet feet. Feet? Plants don’t have feet – more water!!!!

Bamboo – stick this little bundle in a glass vase. Draw a pretty line on the outside to show where the water level should remain. DO NOT GO OVER THAT LINE. Done and done.

Wandering Jew – keep it moist for most of the year but back off during the winter. These are great as hanging plants and there are interesting varieties including a purpley one.



Ain’t No Sunshine

Maybe you don’t have a lot of windows or your windows all face north. You’ve tried and tried to grow plants but they just look dull and then die. You can either invest in grow lights or pick a plant that likes the calm, dim light you can provide.

ZZ Plant – another hardy sumbitch. These are VERY slow growing, so buy one around the size you’d like it – otherwise you’ll be waiting years for it to get to size. It likes bright light and low light but does not like direct light. You’ll scorch it.

Bromeliads – These also hate direct light. Indirect or shade are its jam. Added bonus – they have flowers!!


This is my plea to you – try a plant inside! If you’re really scared buy a small one for about 3 bucks. If you keep it alive for a few weeks, upgrade the pot to help it grow. You’ll be a green(er) thumb in no time!

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